So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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