Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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