My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
