You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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