fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
