the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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