did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
