My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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