I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
