I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
