Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
