I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Come on in and take your pants off
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