I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
