I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
