is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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