it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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