I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
