im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
sex in a hospital.. check
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
