you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
