She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Farmville is her only friend.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
