I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
