One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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