Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
