and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
