I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
