This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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