I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
