69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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