I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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