Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
