Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
