so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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