He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
