for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
