Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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