Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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