with your own penis?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
