I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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