is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
