i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
