i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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