Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
