moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
