It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
