im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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