After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
