I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I intend to get homeless drunk
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i think my cat just said my name.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
