call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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