i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
