shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
