At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
