Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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