The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
