Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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