K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
