Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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