ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
