I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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