my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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