saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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