Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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