im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
