I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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