Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
