He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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