I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
