P.S. I can't hear my feet
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
