You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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