my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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