I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
