the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
