Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
