woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
